in the muck

this past week has felt mucky.  a little like trudging through thick clay with running shoes.  heavy, full, burdensome.  for a variety of reasons.  briefly, i'll mention a few.  first, dear friends who share a cherished space in my early childhood memories~ a pillar family in our church, friends who share life with us lovingly and transparently~ they have lost their dear earthly father.  he was a man who shaped corners of my early childhood recollections and my worldview~ i was simply a young and impressionable observer.  he was an example of steadfast enduring faith, of someone who stayed the course through life's highs and lows, who strived to serve and shine to so many who needed to be touched by the Hope he was happy to share....he loved and welcomed in the fatherless, and that small piece alone was pivotal for me as i discovered early my God-given passion to care for those without a family.  really, i watched so many solid adults in those early years.  my parents, their friends, teachers, neighbours....they didn't know how much their actions and testimonies were shaping me at my very core.  amazing.  good reminder that many little eyes are watching me as well....this weekend we gathered to celebrate his life, and the feeling of relief that he is no longer struggling is real~ but the loss and void is also real for his surviving wife, his kids and their spouses and grandchildren.  and all the many others who loved him.  we will miss his encouragement, his smile, his wisdom...prayers for the whole Archer family, from ours, and just so thankful Kingsley finished strong...

add to that a parenting week that kicked my butt. it really did.  sometimes it is just not easy, and the issues are real.  love these kids so deeply it creates a literal gut ache sometimes, and my heart feels weighted heavily by the process of letting them "become".  they are six individuals with a free will who are paving their own way and all we as parents can do is point them lovingly to the only one True Way....if only it felt that simple...this week, when i internally wondered if i am enough for this bunch, i was reminded from God's word that in my weakness He is strong.  that's a promise i'll hang on to!

throw into the mix Syria...the carnage feels unreal and the images haunt my brain.  yes, my parenting challenges come~ and that's expected because i'm so blessed with children who are still alive and well, while dear fathers and mothers in Syria feel their hearts being ripped from their chest by the grief of seeing their children die slow painful deaths from chemical attacks that no right-minded person could ever justify.  pure evil at it's darkest core.  how is this even happening over and over~ and still it goes largely unpunished by the rest of the watching world??  when will justice prevail for that beautiful nation of people? 

later in the week i heard from Jhonny, our "32-year-old-and-all-grown-up-now" sponsored child who lives in Stockholm Sweden.  he shared his real-time horror at the terror attack there, and the panic of the city as they clamored and panicked and grieved and wondered why such a random act could happen in the first place....why so much hate??
still, beyond grateful he is safe, and we are so thankful for that.

so, all that to say...it isn't always sunshine and rainbows here in our real world existence...i'm happy to share mostly the happy feel-good parts, because of course it's what i want to hold closely forever, but the other stuff happens too.  even through it all, i'm soooo thankful for the enduring peace that is beyond my understanding, and the ways that God uses people and words and songs to communicate that i am not alone in this journey, and that He will never leave me as i press on...

for King & Country, "Shoulders"