her room is tidy

that should be cause for celebration, right?  cuz it's what i thought i'd like.....but maybe i really don't.  a tidy room for this girl means she isn't actually here. don't get me wrong, tidy with her here would be wonderful~ i'd really enjoy that combination~ but that isn't the usual reality.  so tidy only means one thing....she's gone.  as in moved out and in to the post-secondary world that she was so excited to experience and embrace. 

 i'm okay, really.  no real tears shed even.  just some minor welling up in my eye sockets on about five occasions yesterday.  that's it.  i promise.  emotions seem to be right there, sitting just under the surface and ready to leak out at a vulnerable moment.  but for now, i'm mostly just so happy for her.  being there on campus during move-in day was so fun (including a loud and boisterous "get-out-of-the-car-please" chant by her van window, as we were literally surrounded by students and our trunk raided of her belongings while she was escorted to her room).  the energy and vibe was super contagious.  the many students, both first year and upper year students were incredibly welcoming and warm, and i could completely understand her draw to this place.

 so, we settled her into her residence and the cozy space she can call her own for the next eight months.  we took care of a few more loose ends before touring campus a bit more and sharing lunch together.  it was a really fun time for us as parents to share with her.  felt like a gift.  so thankful our own parents could help with our other younger cherubs (not literally, at all, or even a little) so we could be totally present there with her.

and in many ways already there is evidence of God going before her and setting certain things and people in place to allow her to succeed, both academically and spiritually.  now that makes my eyes glaze over.  not a coincidence, not good luck, just God's clear hand of care and love on her life.  like always.

  

 so it becomes her journey now, her accelerated path to becoming an adult version of herself, further discovering what she loves and where she's gifted and what she is passionate about and committed to.  no doubt there will be ups and downs, highs and lows.  that's where the refining happens.  

so while i washed her bedding and remade her bed today in her much tidier room, i refused to let myself linger too long in the nostalgic "my curly haired first born is all grown up" mode...no point in getting stuck there.  for now, feeling at peace and grateful for the chance to cheer her on from the sidelines as this part of her journey unfolds.  my heart is full!