one of those days...

ya know, this role i fill isn't always one of rainbows and sunshine and unicorns.  this title i bear~ "Mom"~ this 24/7 gig i signed up for wholeheartedly, repeatedly even :), well some days it stinks just a little.  in perfect timing for the wonderful holiday of Mother's Day, yesterday proved to be one of those days.  it left me certain i was out of contention for the title of "Mother of the Year"...oh well.  all of the components of a perfect storm collided late last evening leaving me a bit shell shocked, drained and searching for chocolate.  chocolate i found. relief, well not immediately.

to all the other mom's out there, you get this.  oh how you get this...one of those days where you finally see the last ones head to their beds, and you feel like the work that needs to be done in your family is daunting... this realization, starting with my own weak and very imperfect heart, combined with the qualities i wish to see further developed in my children~ it weighs heavy on my weary shoulders.  it just doesn't feel like i'm far enough along, or adequate, or consistent enough some days...just being totally honest.  because hey, as i always tell you, i will say it straight here.  doesn't mean i need to air every piece of dirty laundry ever, but i will keep it honest and real. this is necessary, i feel, because one of the things that makes me most uncomfortable is when people throw out comments like "wow, you're a super mom!" simply because of the number of kids we have.  like somehow that makes me extra fabulous.  i struggle and have days where i am less than i could and should be for our children.  just like the rest of the mamas out there, i'm guessing...

 i always say, it isn't the physical work of this job that gets to me, it's the emotional and mental stamina required to stick it out.  every. single. day. so, yesterday was a wee bit of a challenge.  i probably over think many of the issues we have with our children, and it's super easy for me to take a lot of it on as being my own shortcomings that caused the problem in the first place.  like something i failed to teach properly, or discuss often enough, to pray hard enough against, etc...all that negative self-talk, you know?!

thankfully, i don't stay there in that place long.  really, i don't.  already today, i'm feeling hopeful again and encouraged a little.  i am reminded of some wise advice from an elderly lady we know.  she writes letters to my girls.  when things get tricky in her life she always stops and says, "God, take over."  yes, there is great freedom in those three little words.  i hand over the control of the outcomes, for the billionth time, and remind myself that the Maker of the galaxies has the same magnificent plan for my children as He did when He spoke the vastness of this universe into existence.  and a plan for me as well.  so, i loosen my grip and trust more.  all is well with my soul, for now at least, until i face the doubts and concern all over again...because hey, i'm human and apparently forgetful too.

and to all you moms out there, keep pluggin' and pouring yourselves out to your children. which, by the way, reminds me of the mom i saw yesterday in the grocery store.  i even paused to watch and remember the stage she was in.  she had a baby in her shopping cart, and a little boy beside her who looked about two.  she was holding out two sippy cup options and letting the little boy choose which one he wanted to take home.  this was not happening quickly.  he was weighing the decision carefully.  she was waiting patiently.  i smiled to myself and wished her well inside my head (do i sound stable? wait, don't answer that...) because i think in most cases we all just want to do the best with the children we've been given.  we all come into the role with different qualifications but most have a desire to do it really well.  that common thread allows us to uniquely relate to eachother and hopefully encourage eachother along the way.  as i've said before, i have the utmost gratitude for my own mom, and my mother-in-law for the countless ways they have and still do bless our family.  they were consistent and loving fixtures in their homes, and their kids have grown to be the same in the families they now raise...they are a great reminder for me that the investment is priceless.  this "Mom" title sure isn't a position with a six figure salary, but i am hoping in time i see the returns on my investments. until then, i chalk it up to having just survived "one of those days" and celebrate that many more days are much, much better.  thank goodness...
wishing you all a very happy Mother's Day!

oh, and if you are still reading, you deserve a prize.  sooo, i always enjoy the P&G commercials that celebrate moms at the Olympics.  here's the latest,  enjoy!