not sure where this is going, but i'm sitting down to type anyway. in other words~ bail now while there's still time! :) when life throws me curve balls, my essential ability to process the unexpected pitch sometimes lags behind a bit. i guess while we're on the "baseball theme", you'd probably call it a strike! The pitch is delivered right in the strike zone and whizzes past my eyes before i can react. certainly though, processing these unexpected twists and turns is key. i'm understanding this more and more the older i get. not necessarily coming to an immediate conclusion of "why" something occurs, but more "what" is happening around the occurrence. also, learning to rely on what/and who remains constant. and also what i know to always be true. knowing where to "press in" when trials come...letting go of the elusive "why" answer, loosening my death grip on control and self-sufficiency, rolling with life in a certain carefree manner~ well, these have become my current "personal projects".
any of you five readers :) know me well. i love all my ducks in a row. January 2016 has set to work early to chip away at my tendency to want predictable outcomes and 2+2=4 sort of results. not the worst thing to be that kind of person, and i'm sure most people like it when life unfolds just like so...
even still, i really want to look back on this time and remember, so i'm journaling a bit about the past month here, hoping that passing time will allow me (and my family) to look back and see God's clear hand in our lives, even if we never have all the "whys" answered. no, nothing super serious is wrong or has transpired. just a series of changes or interruptions that i will explain below.
the same day our dear friend and guest, Johnny (see two entries back!), left for his trip home to Sweden, i got a stressful call from Hannah during wrestling practice at her school. Hannah didn't even say "hello", she firmly spoke the words that were important in the moment. "Joelle hurt her elbow again. we are going by ambulance to the hospital." now, honourable mention goes to sweet Hannah as she struggled through seeing Joelle in intense pain, and bravely accompanying her to the hospital by ambulance. so, for me it was a pretty steep drop from emotional high to emotional low just in that one phone call. i felt sooo very bad for my girl, knowing fully what she must have been thinking and feeling in that moment while they were immobilizing her arm as she awaited transport to ER. i was present the first time it happened last March, and i knew how much she would have been going through this time. long story short, she left the hospital that evening with her elbow reset, the pain under control, and the realization that things were now more lax around her elbow joint. the dislocation was worse this time, and care and caution would be necessary until healing and MRI and further consults took place. honestly, it was a very sad evening. Joelle had been on a mission this year. so many positive changes had happened for her even since September, and this was a real exciting time as she was on the hunt for the podium at OFSAA in March. another podium finish would have given her options of wrestling scholarships at the universities she'd already selected. it could have been her time to set off to school in the fall with a plan to wrestle and the hopeful plan to take a program she was excited about. but it wasn't to be as she had planned. or as we had hoped for her. and that was setting in. hard stuff. not life or death, not catastrophic exactly, but still hard when you are eighteen years old and full of potential in a sport you totally love....so, needless to say, her life has looked very different these past few weeks. she is home, not medically cleared for school or co-op or her part-time job. still, she is actually handling it all so well, like a champ. she is hopeful, she is still excited about her future, she seems to know that this experience will make her stronger once on the other side of things. surgery may be necessary and we are hoping and praying all goes well with that when the time comes....
two days after her injury, still feeling a bit raw about my wrestling daughter and her "plans interrupted", i received a call asking us to consider taking in a baby requiring foster care. this was a call we knew could happen any day as in recent months we'd been asked to consider opening our home to foster care for babies, as apparently the need was there in our local agency. "babies?" i had asked. :) "you are in need of homes to care for babies???" well....a chat with my dear husband and then our crew delivered a unanimous "yes" and we were set to go when the need arose. on that day, a Thursday, during an already emotional week, the call came. so, for almost two weeks now we've been lovin' on a sweet nine month old baby boy. and again, the ability to control and predict and plan has been thrown to the wind! we are right back into bottles and diapers (remember those "up the back" diaper blowouts? yah...good times!) and baby food and high chairs and car seats. cra-zi-ness....let me tell you. (plus, i know you were thinking it anyway! :)) take away all the physical demands and schedule changes that are obvious, and on top of that~ this has thrown a curve ball to all eight of us as we wrestle with the emotions that have surfaced while we witness the struggles this presents for a sweet, undeserving baby boy. he is powerless to influence any of the decisions being made for him, and yet he resiliently adapts and loves and smiles and screams and giggles and learns to trust a new and different family. he is precious. we want so deeply for all to work out in his future. still, all we can do is pray, and care for him as best as we are able, and leave the rest to God. i love the undercurrent of peace that gives me in every single area of my life when i feel temptation to stress about future outcomes. letting go and letting God have my cares and concerns is incredibly freeing, and when i "lean in" to my Father~ with every minute detail of my life, it comforts me as God's promises renew my mind and spirit on a daily basis. so if you think of doing so, please pray for this dear child as he faces frequent transition and waits for his future to be more secure.
curve balls...can't say i enjoy them, but taking them as they come would be a start, i guess...
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