the dress

today, on a bit of a whim, and between my personal "to-do" list, i ventured down to the chaotic storage room of our home, stepping over boxes, tools, weights, chairs, etc...there on the top shelf by baby gates and old framed pictures was the sought after rectangular box labeled "wedding dress".  this box has been opened only a few times in the nineteen years since it first returned from the dry cleaners, late 1994.  each time i wipe off the layer of dust, pull away the tape and lift the cardboard flaps, the same nostalgic feelings overtake me.  as i lift away the pink tissue paper i'm whisked away to another time, another day, another version of me.  the same feelings predictably return each time i unveil the dress..anticipation, excitement, joy...as i lift it gently from its place, i stare at the sequins and beading that made it special to me back when i first chose it in the bridal salon.  apart from some wrinkles, it really hasn't changed much since the day i slipped it on and walked the long aisle to meet my dashing groom. it's nearly as good as new~ which is great, because i'm pretty sure all my girls will want to wear it one day...ahem...i carried the box upstairs and snuck away to my walk-in closet.  i slipped it on while most of my crew was out in the backyard doing batting practice with Daddy.  Layla was milling around in the kitchen.  i stood for a moment, looking in the mirror at the much older version of the bride of '94.  i thought of all the reasons i have to feel blessed.  i looked at the white satin buttons that lined the zipper and marveled at the privilege of wearing this dress that signifies the beginning of so many years of vows kept~ each year holding timeless memories.  through highs and lows, days filled with mundane and extraordinary, this dress is the reminder of the promises we made before God and our wedding guests....for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health....i "took in" the dress for a few private moments and then walked out to the kitchen and stopped Layla in her tracks.  she was both in awe and moderately concerned.  sort of wowed by its bling and disturbed by her mother's random behaviour.  i had even found the veil that was a wee bit flattened, but managed to secure it on my head to complete the visual throwback.  i asked Layla to carry my train so we could slowly and carefully walk to the backyard to show the rest of the family.  (sadly, Joelle is away at camp this week, and she'll be so disappointed she missed the occasion.)  Layla refused.  she thought it would just be too weird and wasn't going to be caught having the neighbours see her involved with such nonsense.  so, out i went on my own, only missing the musical processional and the bouquet of lilies, not to mention my dad on my arm.  he would have participated i'm sure, but he was working.  well, i nearly made it to the back gate when my mom pulled into the driveway and grinned in disbelief.  if she was disturbed, she hid it well.  she always loved the dress and was there when i chose it that day in Ballett's bridal shop.  she (my parents) paid for every cent of that dress, including the veil, jewelry, shoes and alterations.  there were never any outward signs of hesitation.  they just seemed happy to be able to do it, happy to see my joy, happy to witness our new beginning.  we hugged and talked at the fence for a few minutes, and by then the kids in the back had taken notice of the crazy lady in white.  they approached, inspected and enjoyed the oddness of the moment.  it really was fun, and at the very least a visual reminder of the significance of this day, this anniversary.  while life went on today with a birthday party, soccer, drop offs for soccer reffing, and we both agreed to delay our plans to celebrate, it was good for all of us to remember the way things began and the way they continue.  we were two young people smitten by each other and publicly pledging our love forever~ never ever imagining the whirlwind of life (plural) that was to come~yet here we are, still plugging along with the original foundations intact and holding strong.  we are thankful.  we are blessed. 
that was worth the trip to the storage room.